Recently at Alma Mater of a couple of old,old school mates at a restaurant cum bar,a couple was seated at a table where they had a full view of the bar.
While enjoying themselves with their old friends the husband noted that his wife was starring passionately at a drunkard drinking wildly at the bar. The anxious husband asked her,"Darling,do you know him?".
"Yes",replied the dear wife with a sigh
"He was an old friend - I was told he took to drinking after we split years back.And I heard he has been crying over it since then".
"My God",her husband chipped in,"Who would have imagined such a person would have been celebrating for so long?".
With that remark the wife slapped him on the face and left in a hush.Within months they were..............................
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
About Wives.
Two men were talking about their wives.
One said."My wife is an angel".
The other replied,"That is very nice but mine is terrible,she is alive".
One said."My wife is an angel".
The other replied,"That is very nice but mine is terrible,she is alive".
Advertising For A Wife
An advertisement appeared in a reknown newspaper on Sunday of a man wanting a wife with his contact number attached.
Early the following morning,he received a dozen replies saying." You can have mine".
Early the following morning,he received a dozen replies saying." You can have mine".
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A cockoo's Nest ?
Does a cockoo built its own nest?
"Well....................."replied a young boy.
"no - it lives in a cock".
"Well....................."replied a young boy.
"no - it lives in a cock".
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wedding Annivesary Present
Another retired Capt.(an impostor) wanted to make his old wife happy asked her graciously,"Darling,to-morrow is our 20th.Wedding Anniversary,and I want to buy you a nice present.What do you expect from me,dear?".
The elated wife ponder over for a moment then answered,"Darling,You don't have to be lavish,just buy something with diamonds in it will do".
Happily the Capt. went out to purchase the present.He then presented the neatly wrapped package to his dear wife,"Here is the present,Darling".
Seeing the beautifully packet,she happily added," Oh, you Darlin' you shouldn't have brought so big a present,really". On opening she found only a pack of playing cards within.In anger she pointed her fingers at him shouting," You you........BBa.........".
Hastily,the stingy Capt.replied,"But.....Darling you said you wanted something with diamonds in it.This pack of playing cards has plenty of them within".
Thereafter the wife ran after him with a broom and the stupid Capt.has been missing since then.
The elated wife ponder over for a moment then answered,"Darling,You don't have to be lavish,just buy something with diamonds in it will do".
Happily the Capt. went out to purchase the present.He then presented the neatly wrapped package to his dear wife,"Here is the present,Darling".
Seeing the beautifully packet,she happily added," Oh, you Darlin' you shouldn't have brought so big a present,really". On opening she found only a pack of playing cards within.In anger she pointed her fingers at him shouting," You you........BBa.........".
Hastily,the stingy Capt.replied,"But.....Darling you said you wanted something with diamonds in it.This pack of playing cards has plenty of them within".
Thereafter the wife ran after him with a broom and the stupid Capt.has been missing since then.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Wedding Annivesary Present
A retired Capt.Kerk of the Home Guard of the aged was happily tugged in bed with his wife when he was abruptly a waken up by his wife.She appeared angry and in a rough tone asked him,"It is our wedding anniversary today and you have forgotten about it.I insist you buy me a present by to-morrow morning".
The tired old balled and shorty Capt.replied,"Okay dear,I will give a present to-morrow morning". The Capt.left home very early that morning.
The following morning,his wife on looking out of the window, she saw a package in the post box at their front gate. So,putting on her sleeping gown she hurried down to the post box and happily took the package into her house.
On opening she was astonished to find a new weighing machine within that package.That weighing machine had been missing from her bathroom for several days.
Well,since then the stupid pseudo Capt.Kerk had been missing for the last few days.Missing in action I supposed.
The tired old balled and shorty Capt.replied,"Okay dear,I will give a present to-morrow morning". The Capt.left home very early that morning.
The following morning,his wife on looking out of the window, she saw a package in the post box at their front gate. So,putting on her sleeping gown she hurried down to the post box and happily took the package into her house.
On opening she was astonished to find a new weighing machine within that package.That weighing machine had been missing from her bathroom for several days.
Well,since then the stupid pseudo Capt.Kerk had been missing for the last few days.Missing in action I supposed.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Birthday Present
One year the Shorty Sgt.Kerk gave his dear mother-in-law a very good present.That was a well placed cemetery plot.
The following year he gave her nothing.
When his wife asked him,"Why?".
He smiled cheekily and replied,"Well,your dear mother has not used that present I gave her last year".
Without hesitation his dear wife administered a big slapped on his stupid face and immediately he saw stars.
The following year he gave her nothing.
When his wife asked him,"Why?".
He smiled cheekily and replied,"Well,your dear mother has not used that present I gave her last year".
Without hesitation his dear wife administered a big slapped on his stupid face and immediately he saw stars.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I Will Loved her More If She be Thirty Years Younger
An old man about aged sixty named Capt.Johnnie Kerk was once heard praying at a Church(FGB)."Oh Lord,Should my present wife be thirty years younger than I am,I would loved her more and be happiest man thereafter.Therefore I earnestly pray to you, Lord kindly grant me that wish".
He did not stop praying for that but continued daily every morning and evening praying relentlessly begging God to answer his prayer.
However, our God being a kind God and taking account of his sincerity did answered his prayer."Well", the Lord replied him by saying,"Giving you a younger woman does not seem right,not fair to your wife".
"Do anything ,dear Lord,just make her thirty years younger".
The Lord did made the transformation.He made the old man thirty years older,thus making him eighty over years old but his wife remained as she was in her late fifties.
Lord answered his prayer.Yes !!! God did just as requested in his daily prayers.
"But Lord",said the Capt."I refused to grow old".
He did not stop praying for that but continued daily every morning and evening praying relentlessly begging God to answer his prayer.
However, our God being a kind God and taking account of his sincerity did answered his prayer."Well", the Lord replied him by saying,"Giving you a younger woman does not seem right,not fair to your wife".
"Do anything ,dear Lord,just make her thirty years younger".
The Lord did made the transformation.He made the old man thirty years older,thus making him eighty over years old but his wife remained as she was in her late fifties.
Lord answered his prayer.Yes !!! God did just as requested in his daily prayers.
"But Lord",said the Capt."I refused to grow old".
Monday, October 10, 2011
I Refused To Grow Old
"I refused to grow old" yelled this old man named Sgt.Kerk (self appointed)
"I may be balled from my forehead upwards to the back of my head,but that's immaterial for I can hide it with my cap"
"Or else, I can draw two eyes over that patch and wear a black spec over them.Pretending that to be my eyes etc." I will then cover with a scarf over the mouth and eyes."
"Well, with that I can easily hide my aging.My side hair are always dyed black So I refused to grow old."
"Anyway - all the women I have met loved me because they always smiled whenever I talk".
Otherwise why should hey smiled at me?"
"I may be balled from my forehead upwards to the back of my head,but that's immaterial for I can hide it with my cap"
"Or else, I can draw two eyes over that patch and wear a black spec over them.Pretending that to be my eyes etc." I will then cover with a scarf over the mouth and eyes."
"Well, with that I can easily hide my aging.My side hair are always dyed black So I refused to grow old."
"Anyway - all the women I have met loved me because they always smiled whenever I talk".
Otherwise why should hey smiled at me?"
Monday, October 3, 2011
We Are Chinese.............................................................
Some Hong Kong Chinese actors (or Hong Kong Three Stooges) staged this joke. Good or silly you be the judge.
There was a scene where a supposed to be Japanese soldier pointed a pistol at two of them jokers.The two in fear proudly replied,"Shoot - we are Chinese.Chinese are not afraid to die".
When the soldier cocked his pistol ready to fire.The two took a step backward in fright.Then the surprised Japanese said," Both of you said that you are not afraid to die?".
Both replied that,"We are Indonesian Chinese".
What a ridiculous thing to say.This joke did not went on well with me.Indonesian Chinese or otherwise were the same Chinese.They definitely portrayed that all overseas Chinese as different from them.This could only mean there was a line drawn between us.
There was a scene where a supposed to be Japanese soldier pointed a pistol at two of them jokers.The two in fear proudly replied,"Shoot - we are Chinese.Chinese are not afraid to die".
When the soldier cocked his pistol ready to fire.The two took a step backward in fright.Then the surprised Japanese said," Both of you said that you are not afraid to die?".
Both replied that,"We are Indonesian Chinese".
What a ridiculous thing to say.This joke did not went on well with me.Indonesian Chinese or otherwise were the same Chinese.They definitely portrayed that all overseas Chinese as different from them.This could only mean there was a line drawn between us.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
One evening,James and wife were watching television in bed,it was screening," Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?".
Feeling restless he turned to his wife and asked,"Darling,do want to make love?".
"No" came her reply.
Not satisfied with her reply he continued to pester her," Is that final?".
She then rolled over and answered,"Yes,absolutely yes!!!".
To that the agitated James said,"Then in that case,I would like to call a friend named Susie".
With that a fight between started.
Feeling restless he turned to his wife and asked,"Darling,do want to make love?".
"No" came her reply.
Not satisfied with her reply he continued to pester her," Is that final?".
She then rolled over and answered,"Yes,absolutely yes!!!".
To that the agitated James said,"Then in that case,I would like to call a friend named Susie".
With that a fight between started.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Cutting Grass In The Garden
One fine holiday Ah Kow,a dutiful husband decided to give the lawn a mowing with his lawn-mower.It worked pretty well for some minutes before it gave out a ,out sound and went dead.The poor thing tus broke down.
Getting agitated he moved back into his garage.Instead of sending it for repairs he left it idle at a corner.He had always meant to have it repaired as soon as he has the tie to do it,but somehow whenever he wanted to go into it there were always other tings which required his immediate attention first.
That unfortunately happened once too often.This somehow caught his wife's attention and the grasses in the lawn had grown higher.So one fine day as he entered his house's compound he was surprised to see his wife squatting in the garden,amidst the tall grasses.
Know what? She was trimming the grasses with a tiny scissor.However instead of blowing his top he stayed quietly watching her at work.Then suddenly he turned around to slip into their house Moments later he returned armed with a tooth brush in hand.He handed it to his wife and said in a nice and sexy tone,"Rose Darlin',after you finished the lawn,you might as well clean the drive way with this tooth brush .
The stunned wife stood up and delivered a big slap on his face and went into the house.
Getting agitated he moved back into his garage.Instead of sending it for repairs he left it idle at a corner.He had always meant to have it repaired as soon as he has the tie to do it,but somehow whenever he wanted to go into it there were always other tings which required his immediate attention first.
That unfortunately happened once too often.This somehow caught his wife's attention and the grasses in the lawn had grown higher.So one fine day as he entered his house's compound he was surprised to see his wife squatting in the garden,amidst the tall grasses.
Know what? She was trimming the grasses with a tiny scissor.However instead of blowing his top he stayed quietly watching her at work.Then suddenly he turned around to slip into their house Moments later he returned armed with a tooth brush in hand.He handed it to his wife and said in a nice and sexy tone,"Rose Darlin',after you finished the lawn,you might as well clean the drive way with this tooth brush .
The stunned wife stood up and delivered a big slap on his face and went into the house.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Happy Birthday
A man one day woke up for the day expecting all his family embers would wished him "Happy Birthday" on such an auspicious day. But unsuspectingly no was was at hand to do that.Well.with a chuckle,he though that every one seem to have forgotten about him or his birthday.So sadly he left for work.
At his office,his secretary on seeing him wished him "Happy Birthday,Boss",this, made him extremely happy as someone finally though of him.What a pleasant surprise of course and of all person his pretty secretary remembered him.
No one else bothered him tat day - nothing unusual .However the sexy and pretty secretary invited him to have lunch with her to celebrate his birthday.Happily he agreed.
They enjoyed a lunch together and thereafter she invited him to her condominium for a coffee which he accepted readily without a second thought.
At her condo she made him comfottably seated on a couch while she adjourned into her room to freshen up a little . Excited the man sat on the couch while his thoughts ran wild in his mind thinking amusely that she was to change onto something more sexy ad seducing.So as his mind ran astray he began to undress himse;f making himself readily available for reciece her in his arms.
His undressing was quick as lightning but his happiness was cut short as out of the secretary's room came his entirely family and friends with a lighted birthday cake.What a pleasant surprise indeed for him or hs was already completely naked.His family and friendly was caught in amazement of his nakedness.
What a surprise indeed.
The joke not mine.Nevertheless this I am sure should put a laugh on you.
At his office,his secretary on seeing him wished him "Happy Birthday,Boss",this, made him extremely happy as someone finally though of him.What a pleasant surprise of course and of all person his pretty secretary remembered him.
No one else bothered him tat day - nothing unusual .However the sexy and pretty secretary invited him to have lunch with her to celebrate his birthday.Happily he agreed.
They enjoyed a lunch together and thereafter she invited him to her condominium for a coffee which he accepted readily without a second thought.
At her condo she made him comfottably seated on a couch while she adjourned into her room to freshen up a little . Excited the man sat on the couch while his thoughts ran wild in his mind thinking amusely that she was to change onto something more sexy ad seducing.So as his mind ran astray he began to undress himse;f making himself readily available for reciece her in his arms.
His undressing was quick as lightning but his happiness was cut short as out of the secretary's room came his entirely family and friends with a lighted birthday cake.What a pleasant surprise indeed for him or hs was already completely naked.His family and friendly was caught in amazement of his nakedness.
What a surprise indeed.
The joke not mine.Nevertheless this I am sure should put a laugh on you.
Twelve Lovely Cigars
A man once had twelve lovely cigars which he brought an insurance for them.
The insurance agent closed the deal with him.
There after a while the man began to enjoy smoking all those lovely cigars.Subsequently,he sued the insurance company for the smoked cigars.The insurance company lost the case and paid the man $ 15,000/=.
The man was happy with his winning the case with ease.
However, his happiness was short lived as te insurance company countered sued him for causing arson on the part of the man.The man thereafter was fined $ 24,000/=. for the offense.
A friend told me this joke sometime back.
The insurance agent closed the deal with him.
There after a while the man began to enjoy smoking all those lovely cigars.Subsequently,he sued the insurance company for the smoked cigars.The insurance company lost the case and paid the man $ 15,000/=.
The man was happy with his winning the case with ease.
However, his happiness was short lived as te insurance company countered sued him for causing arson on the part of the man.The man thereafter was fined $ 24,000/=. for the offense.
A friend told me this joke sometime back.
A Dutch Traveler
A Dutch traveler once arrived at a Thai Restaurant in Kuala Lumpur.Without hesitation he requested a waiter,"What is your restaurant's speciality?".
"Well",replied the waiter,"chicken's tongues curry"
"This dish consisted of chicken's tongues only".
"No,no"replied the Dutchman,"I do not take anything that comes out of the chicken mouth".
Subsequently he placed for very simple dish.
Like to what he ordered?."Scambled eggs".
Well,hence the Thai waiter understood what the Dutchman preferred.
Heh heh so do we?
"Well",replied the waiter,"chicken's tongues curry"
"This dish consisted of chicken's tongues only".
"No,no"replied the Dutchman,"I do not take anything that comes out of the chicken mouth".
Subsequently he placed for very simple dish.
Like to what he ordered?."Scambled eggs".
Well,hence the Thai waiter understood what the Dutchman preferred.
Heh heh so do we?
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Love Thy Neighbor..................................................
Pastor : Dear John,why is your right face so redish?
John : I followed your advice,Padre - Love Thy neighbor.So when I told my beautiful neighbor that I love her.She instantly gave a big slap on my face.That is why?
Oh oh?
.
John : I followed your advice,Padre - Love Thy neighbor.So when I told my beautiful neighbor that I love her.She instantly gave a big slap on my face.That is why?
Oh oh?
.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Ghost Buster
Some thing strange in your neighborhood
Who are you going to call?.
Well.the ghost buster of course.
Who are you going to call?,
the ghost buster -the greatest of whom is non other then Fabian Cheah.
Heh!!! heh!.
For I ain't afraid of no ghosts.
Who are you going to call?.
Well.the ghost buster of course.
Who are you going to call?,
the ghost buster -the greatest of whom is non other then Fabian Cheah.
Heh!!! heh!.
For I ain't afraid of no ghosts.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Slanting Coconut palms Along the Beaches
A tale of old
Legends had it that the coconut palms along the beaches of Malacca were caused by humans.
Apparently when Admiral Cheng Hoe first landed in to Malacca
A team of his men stayed back behind to serve the "Princess" who was married to the then Sultan.
They did not have much choice so when frustrated they went after the locals female folks there.
In the deep of nights they would meet with their new found loves along the beaches
Well,they romanced under the coconut palms,
After a prolong period meetings and matings leaning against the coconut palms,the palms under their immense pressure and heavy weights,the soft sandy condition slowly gave way.
Bending a little at a time.
Well,there you are - that was why the palms along the beaches were bended slantingly.
Just an old joke.No hard feelings.
Legends had it that the coconut palms along the beaches of Malacca were caused by humans.
Apparently when Admiral Cheng Hoe first landed in to Malacca
A team of his men stayed back behind to serve the "Princess" who was married to the then Sultan.
They did not have much choice so when frustrated they went after the locals female folks there.
In the deep of nights they would meet with their new found loves along the beaches
Well,they romanced under the coconut palms,
After a prolong period meetings and matings leaning against the coconut palms,the palms under their immense pressure and heavy weights,the soft sandy condition slowly gave way.
Bending a little at a time.
Well,there you are - that was why the palms along the beaches were bended slantingly.
Just an old joke.No hard feelings.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Selamat Hari Raya
Selamat Hari Raya to all Muslim friends.
Now whose house shall I go first.Also there are so many open houses around to follow up.Ain't it lovely?.
Now whose house shall I go first.Also there are so many open houses around to follow up.Ain't it lovely?.
Two Good Friends & A Bear
Two friends went hiking in a virgin jungle
They came upon a bear -fierce ferocious looking beast and about to attack them
On seeing this,their first instinct were to run away as fast as they could
But one of them hesitated to put on his running shoes
"Why are you putting on your running shoes?',said the other,"You cannot outrun the bear?".
"True",replied the other,"but I can outrun you".
Of course,this joke was not my origin but heard it somewhere.
They came upon a bear -fierce ferocious looking beast and about to attack them
On seeing this,their first instinct were to run away as fast as they could
But one of them hesitated to put on his running shoes
"Why are you putting on your running shoes?',said the other,"You cannot outrun the bear?".
"True",replied the other,"but I can outrun you".
Of course,this joke was not my origin but heard it somewhere.
An Apple A Day
This joke is from Radio FM - the Fat Ze & Sexy Zara Show.
A dentist and a doctor fell affectionately for the same lady.
One day the dentist had to leave town for a week.
Before he left he gave the lady seven apples
Requesting her to consume each of them per day.
Now ,why he made that request?
Good,- because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A dentist and a doctor fell affectionately for the same lady.
One day the dentist had to leave town for a week.
Before he left he gave the lady seven apples
Requesting her to consume each of them per day.
Now ,why he made that request?
Good,- because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Chinese Fights with The Nose
This joke was recorded from a television show.
Accordingly the Koreans fights with Tae Kun Do
shouting "Hi Hak hi hak" with brutal force
Then the Japanese fights with Karate
also emulating almost sounds as the Koreans
" Hu Ha hau" also similarly with brutal force
But we,the Chinese according to the joke fights with our nose
Don't believe me?
Just look at Bruce Lee's fighting style.At the beginning of every fight, he always presses his thumb to his nose first,snarling at the opponents.
That is why people says the Chinese fights with the nose.
Accordingly the Koreans fights with Tae Kun Do
shouting "Hi Hak hi hak" with brutal force
Then the Japanese fights with Karate
also emulating almost sounds as the Koreans
" Hu Ha hau" also similarly with brutal force
But we,the Chinese according to the joke fights with our nose
Don't believe me?
Just look at Bruce Lee's fighting style.At the beginning of every fight, he always presses his thumb to his nose first,snarling at the opponents.
That is why people says the Chinese fights with the nose.
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